Tainted Love: Don't Tease Me. Please.

Wow. You don't have to get all mean about just handing away the ticket on the street to someone. You so know you're gonna have a good time.

And since when are we calling basketball players "little," Dear Criss? (Still not interested.)

Now, let's get to what's important. I have nothing to say about game 1 of this four game series. Beckett clearly broke up with his girlfriend yesterday. Youk had one beer too many. MILLAR HIT A HOMERUN AGAIN in Baltimore. And I don't want anyone blaming Varitek for what happened. He didn't deserve that error. He's so mad, you could see it. I'm pretty mad. BUT DON'T GET ALL EXCITED NOW; this is a four game series. I'm not worried. This is a pattern: blow out, then better days.

Francona: Pull them earlier than 42 runs in during the 2nd inning. I don't care if it's Beckett or Schilling.

Red Sox: I love you, but wake up.

Matty Clement: You're off the Whatever List after the W in Detroit.

And, again, soccer is B-O-R-I-N-G. I don't care if the world cup was at my office and the boss said everyone can watch the guys play in the hallway; I still wouldn't watch. And you can quote me to your realiable little birdie source.

I think I ate some tainted Jolly Ranchers. I'll explain later.

Roxy

Photo: Boston Globe